Life as we know it.

My oh my its been a while. Has a lot happened? I dont know. It feels as though it should have done, and yet it also feels like no time has passed at all.

I have reached a rite of passage: left Exeter University and got me a 2.1 in English BA (Hons) thank you very much.  An achievement? Some would say so. But as I sit here writing this, alone with a bottle of Rose for company and Bon Iver blaring out of my iPod speakers I find myself questioning this. I feel no different. 

Am I an adult? When do we become this, get given this status? I do not see myself or my friends as adults. I certainly do not behave like one, and nor do I have any intention of doing so. My father always says he is "18 years old, with 39 years experience" (sorry Dad...). I always found this quite funny. You are a man Daddy for goodness sakes! You have two children! One of whom is about to Graduate from home and flee the nest. You are Chairman of a company I don't really understand. You. Are. An. Adult. But he doesn't feel like one either...Is this scary??

Due to the pure luck of the way English at Exeter works, I have not had anything to do since May 5th. No exams, no job. Nada. Spoilt? Yes, potentially. Are these the last days that I will be able to get away with this? Probably. "What is a weekend?" Asks Maggie Smith's character in Downton Abbey. Quite! I can't remember the last time I woke up and distinguished one day of the week from another. And yet I have an interview on Wednesday for a proper job, an actual career. Scary stuff. Exciting, apparently. "I'm so jealous" exclaims my Mother. Why??!! I'm not ready for this shit. But then I wonder, who really is?

My whole life i've known what is to come next. From my prep school to senior school, from Gap Yah to University. All pretty standard, nothing special or out of the ordinary there. But now what? We should be excited, and nervous. We are the next generation blah de blah. Well I'm afraid i'm not. I would quite happily like to stay in my nice little room in 15 Prospect Park Exeter, my residency for the past two years, thank you very much. But oh now, we must move on. Make room for the new generation.

So I ask you this, am I alone in feeling this? I guess not. And is there anyone out there who can tell me when I will begin to feel like an adult? And not just feel it, but embrace and enjoy it? Its not that I'm scared of dying or getting old. That is a loooong way off. It is the looming independence and responsibility. I am not ready for that. I can barely load a dishwasher for goodness sake and I wouldn't know what tax and VAT was if it struck me round the kisser.

All advice welcomed with open arms. Happy Mondays everyone... Xx